Don't Read This...You're too busy

"Hey Matt, How's it going?" "Good. I've been super busy these past few weeks you know?" "Phew, me too"

Maybe I'm the only one, but it feels that this conversation happens ALL THE TIME. Busyness, it's something that we complain about, yet are in love with. I'll be the first to say that I'm busy...I am. I'm building a nursery, working 40 hours a week, practicing music, playing soccer, playing basketball, dating my wife, preparing to be a father, watching netflix, watching netflix...you get the idea. But why? Why am I so busy...I'll even ask you, are you busy? Why are you so busy?

Maybe your answer would sound a lot like mine...stuff just has to get done. And we'd both be right, stuff does have to get done. But under all of it I fear that there is something much more dangerous, poisonous, and deadly than just "stuff to do." My hope is that through this we can talk about some of the monsters that lie within, and maybe, just maybe become a little more free...(or will that take too much time) ;)

Before we talk about why we're busy, we first need to know if we indeed are busy.  Let's first look at something that we all have in common, but that is often undervalued.

At a women's seminar in 2010, Arianna Huffington, co-founder and editor of the Huffington Post gave a shocking key to success...sleep. I'm convinced that sleep is one of the most undervalued parts of our day. Doctors recommend about 8 hours of sleep a night. There's 24 hours in a day, which means that for one-third of your life, you are asleep. ONE-THIRD! That's a lot of time.

Sometimes we brag on how little sleep we got, thinking that somehow that makes us more important when in reality you just function at a much lower level. It makes me think about all the pushes for Samsung and Windows products that brag on how great you can multitask (Yes, this is my Apple plug). But in the words of Propaganda, "Multitasking is a myth, you ain't doing anything good, just everything awful." So consider your sleep habits; should you go to bed now, or should you keep reading?

I think we can learn a lot from sleep. In C.J. Mahaney's book, "Humility: True Greatness" he talks about how humbling sleep is. For one-third of our life, we're in a semi-unconscious state (or if you're like me, fully unconscious). There is absolutely nothing we are contributing to the world, no studies being done, no parenting given, no ideas shared. And surprisingly the world continues. I think we need to learn how to sleep better, and I don't just mean buying a nicer pillow or mattress, although there are some good ones out there. I mean looking at how we view our sleep. I used to view it as a waste of time, something that got in the way of everything else that needed to be done. When there was a show that I'm binging on, or something I've procrastinated on, it has historically been sleep that gets cut to make room for other things.

I think sleep hits to the core of some of our fears: That we're not needed. That we're not valuable. That if we don't keep working and showing that we're worth something then we're going to get passed by, overlooked. We believe that all the outcomes in our lives are affected by our intensive labor in each of those areas, and I'm going to have to say that it's a lie. It's a lie that our society tells, and it's a lie that our culture tells. So let me say here, your worth is not defined by your busyness. I'm going to talk about this more in Part 2, but for now let me simply say, you are worth something so much more significant than the amount of hours you put into work, or the hours you put into your studies, or your family, or your church (what, even my church!?), YES! You are not defined by what you do. But do you believe that?

Maybe you have this all figured out, but I sure don't. I always fight to believe that I'm not defined by my accomplishments. So to end this entry, I'd like to leave us with some thoughts and questions to consider. If you have the time, I think they'll be worth your while.

When you are sick, do you feel bad for being a burden on someone else? I know I do. Why?

When have you ever heard someone answer the question, "Hey, What you been up to?" with "Great, I've been resting a lot and getting tons of sleep and doing things I enjoy?" My guess is you're probably judging that answer right now. Do you immediately view them as lazy? (Let me briefly say that work is good and valuable and I believe in working hard, but don't breeze through this question because of this clarification. If you needed clarification then maybe this is hitting to the core...Notice I needed to clarify).

What do you think makes you worth something at the end of the day? End of the week? End of the year? End of your life?

Men & Women

Recently a video has been going around Facebook. I typically don't get involved in Social Media trends but I did choose to post this particular video to my Facebook wall because of how fresh it is in my mind. This video is of a woman walking through New York City, where I live, and her experiences with being spoken to, hit on, or as the video titles it, harassed. You can view the video HERE. In my mind there is just too much to say about this on social media so I decided to write this blog. When people read social media comments, they read them with a predetermined tone and often can be misunderstood. Maybe I'll start a new trend of hash tagging my tone #gentle #smiling

A female friend of mine was once followed by 2 men who first "hit on" her, she ignored them, they then followed her into her building and up her stairs to her door.

Just last week I was walking down the street when a guy "hit on" a girl (We'll call her Jill) right in front of me. Her husband (We'll call him Jack) was with her but maybe 2 steps behind her. Hearing the man (We'll call him Tom) say to his wife, "Damn, baby, come here".  Jack said, "What's up?" in a very calm, non-threatening tone and continue walking wife in hand. Tom proceeded to follow Jack and Jill for the next block screaming profanities and threats of how he would "break his jaw, ruin his face" and numerous other things and then take his girl. The story reaches it's peak when Tom throws a large glass bottle at Jack and Jill which barely misses them and shatters at their feet.

Now sure, maybe you are thinking this is an extreme example of what "could" happen but that's not what happened in this video above. Or maybe your thinking, "I can't believe someone would even start by talking to a girl like that" or maybe you don't think any of this is wrong at all. To all of you I want to say welcome. I'm glad you're reading this. I want honest and open dialogue. What I say is not the absolute truth and I know that. I am fallible and capable of many mistakes, but I do hope that together we can work toward what is good.

There is so much to say about this topic and there are so many layers: culture, social class, race, clothing, objectification of women, objectification of men, social stereotypes, mental illness, psychological trauma...etc. I'm just going to stay in (and maybe around) one area, sexual desire, but if you would like to discuss some others please leave a comment and we can discuss that later.

Men, we like sex. That's no secret. The media loves it, music loves it, it's all around us. And let me say, yes, sex is good. Very good...in the right context. In fact, there is a whole book of the Bible dedicated to sex between a husband and wife, and it's quite provocative sometimes, but beautiful at the same time. But guys, I want to say that we are more than sex. I do not know the hearts of the men who speak to my wife, or the heart of Tom (the story above) or the hearts of the men in the video above. But what I do know is that none of them know anything about any of these women except that they are physically attractive and appealing to their sexual desire. Whether or not the woman finds them attractive is irrelevant to the point that they are viewing her as a body, an object for their enjoyment, and nothing more. That is degrading. "But isn't it a compliment? They're telling her she looks good." Well I'm not a woman, but from the women I've talked to it's never taken as a compliment. They're being reinforced the same things they hear from media and other men, "Your body looks good and that's all I care about." But men, I want to challenge us to something more. Something more than looking at women as objects for our pleasure. Something more than spending an hour day looking at porn on our computers. Something more than looking for the short skirt or the low cut shirt on every subway ride, or spandex pants at every trip to the gym. Something more than laughing at and loving These Hoes ain't Loyal. I want to take us to where I believe what is true comes from: The Bible. Now before you leave, if you hate Christians or think the bible is a joke or crap. Just read this little passage with me. I think you'll be surprised on how much we might agree on. Sure we might disagree, but bear with me...be my friend.

This is from the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 6 verses 12-20. This is the Message version for simplicity in reading.

 "Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims. You know the old saying, “First you eat to live, and then you live to eat”? Well, it may be true that the body is only a temporary thing, but that’s no excuse for stuffing your body with food, or indulging it with sex. Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body! God honored the Master’s body by raising it from the grave. He’ll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master’s body. You wouldn’t take the Master’s body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not. There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body."

In reading that I'm reminded of one of my good friends, Rich Perez, (You can view his stuff here) who always reminds people that life started in Genesis 1, not Genesis 3. That means that we were made in God's image. We were made to represent the beauty, diversity, love, joy, etc. of who God is.  God is good. We are not in and of ourselves, but Jesus makes us good. And that is what I believe we should be working towards.

Lastly, to the women. You are more than sex. You are more than your body. You are more than your looks. More than your chest, waist, legs, eyes, cheeks, hair...you are more than that. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are made in the image of God. You should hold yourself to that. Ciara wants you to show your "Goodies" off (Throwback anyone?) but I'm asking you to consider the sacredness of your whole person. Be strong. Be smart. How you are made is no mistake, it is a gift. Do not let anyone or anything tell you differently. Your skin color is right, your hair type is right, your ethnicity is right. You are dearly loved. There is a Perfect Man down on His knee asking you to be His bride. He promises to take care of you, love you, respect you, provide for you, let you cry all day, take you to the park, hold your hand and give you the greatest life you could imagine and His name is Jesus. 

He happens to be the King of the Universe so you know that ring is fresh :P  #joke

Everyone, I'd be happy to talk more. Please leave a comment if you want to ask questions or discuss more topics in depth, but please be respectful as I hope that I have tried to be and will try to be with you. Thanks for reading.

student interviews

College is a stressful place. Am I going to have a hard professor? Where can I find an internship? What do I have to do to graduate? I can't fail another test in this class! 

But college can also be fun. Some people discover their passions, find their spouse, study abroad and set the course for the rest of their lives. 

We're asking students several questions to see how students are feeling coming into the school year and what they are hoping to accomplish.

Why I started this blog...

Why did I start this blog? I'm asking myself that now even as I write. I started it because I think I've got something to say. There's a lot of chaos in this world. There's violence and injustice. There's oppression and sadness. There's sorrow and grief. But I believe there's more. There's hope. There's peace. There's love.

There are some things that change every second, some every minute, and so on. But there are some things that never change. Now here's the tricky part...there are many things that we're all confused about. Some things we believe are immutable are not, and some things that we believe we can change that we can't. How do we figure all this out? How do we live life? In an ever changing world, how do we find stability? Security? Hope?

Well, I'm for sure no expert but I've got some thoughts. I won't share them all now, but what I will share has all to do with the title of this blog. Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. In all of these, things change...but I want to dig a little deeper. Beyond the calm and the chaos, beyond the waves of life that sometime rock us so heavily in our boat, and ask...What if I knew someone who could give you hope, peace, and love more than you could imagine? What if I knew someone who was the same Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow?

Some things never change. Some things always change. Let's talk about it.